BREAKING: New Mexico’s Latest Epidemic—Election Denialitis!

Doctors at the Center for Media and Democracy have just announced a public health crisis in New Mexico: “Election Denialitis,” a rare condition apparently afflicting anyone who questions the divinely ordained outcome of elections.

The outbreak seems concentrated among those still living in the shadow of The Year That Shall Not Be Mentioned (2020). Symptoms include questioning, skepticism, and, in extreme cases, asking for audits! Experts warn that Election Denialitis may be contagious, especially during election season.

‘The Big Truth’ Is Out There—But Only We Can See It

ProgressNow NM bravely unveiled a groundbreaking report revealing that 16 individuals (that’s right, a whopping 16 out of over 2 million New Mexicans) are infected with the ‘Denialitis.’ Despite no one having seen actual symptoms (other than disagreement with election results), CMD’s report insists these individuals are a serious threat to democracy. Or at least, to the comfort of those who already know how the story should end.

As part of a new public service campaign, the blog warns: “These election deniers are among us, spreading dangerous ideas like transparency, accountability, and—brace yourself—counting votes!”

Public Safety First: ProgressNow Saves the Day

Public safety is clearly at stake. After all, how can democracy survive if people start asking questions? Worse yet, they might start asking about other things too! What’s next—questioning the weather forecast, challenging school lunch menus, or even doubting the wisdom of government bureaucrats?

To counter this deadly disease, ProgressNow is calling for immediate action. They propose forming a task force of fact-checkers with specialized “Debunk Guns” to shoot down any rogue claims about election security. Equipped with an arsenal of approved narratives, they’ll ensure that the only version of events anyone remembers is the right one. Because, obviously, nothing says “free speech” like deleting someone else’s.

The Rogue’s Gallery of Infected Candidates

Behold the terrifying line-up:

• Yvette Herrell: Known for her radical belief in electoral integrity and unrelenting quest to ask how votes are counted. She even gasp questioned the process in 2020!
• John Block: Accused of standing in front of the Capitol building. No, really—he was there. That’s enough, right?
• Jay Block: Guilty of trying to audit elections. We all know counting twice is cheating.
• Rebecca Dow: For endorsing documentaries. Apparently, anyone who watches 2000 Mules automatically contracts Denialitis. The CDC is looking into it.

And let’s not forget the supporting cast: Steve Pearce, Cathryn Brown, and even some poor county commissioners, just trying to make sure their local elections are safe from… whatever it is elections need to be safe from.

Conclusion: Can We Trust Anyone Who Doesn’t Agree With Us?

In conclusion, as we approach November, New Mexicans are reminded to stay vigilant. The real threat to democracy isn’t apathy, corruption, or questionable practices in government—it’s the people asking too many questions. After all, nothing undermines faith in democracy like someone pointing out that trust isn’t built on blind obedience.

Be safe. And remember: the only true election is an unquestioned one.